THE ALL-YEAR BEACH SEASON, THE ABUNDANCE OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LUXURY JEWELERY, UNIVERSAL WELL-BEING AND NATURAL WELCOME TO THE RESIDENTS OF THE ARAB WORLD - ALL THIS IS LOCATED IN ANIMAL TOURIS. GOOD IF IT ENDS AS FAST AS A TOURIST VISIT. A TOTALLY OTHER HISTORY IS WAITING FOR A TOURIST, WHICH DAZED BY THE EXTERNAL GLOSS AND LASK OF HIS DUBAI CAVALER, DECIDES TO DROP INTO THE SWELLOW WITH A HEAD.
Meeting with the Sheikh
As always, I want to start by debunking myths. Despite the fact that the tourism industry in Dubai has been over 20 years old, many of our compatriots are not yet able to distinguish the emirate from, for example, a Syrian or an Egyptian. Not to mention the residents of the Gulf countries, similar as brothers, who are most often given out only by the collar of national clothes - dishdashi. Therefore, for a woman who arrived from the regional center of Russia (since today more than 70 flights are operated between Dubai and Russian cities every week), any Arab in national dress, with a Rolex watch and in a decent SUV will pass for a sheikh.
“As a rule, our compatriots do not speak enough English to determine the degree of education of a new acquaintance, which, by the way, can be used to judge his material well-being,” said Marina Crady, a public figure from the Association of Russian Compatriots in the UAE. - Between As a rule, either an expat from neighboring countries - Libya, Egypt, Jordan or Syria (who in some cases already has a first family at home), or an emirate from a poor family who either wants to to spend time, or simply cannot afford the costly marriage of a local Arab woman. "
The UAE as a whole and Dubai in particular is a place where you can get rich pretty quickly and just as easily lose your resident visa and leave the country forever. As a rule, our compatriots, who received a marriage proposal, immediately imagine a cloudless life in an Arabian fairy tale, not suspecting that it might turn out to be a paradise in a hut. Meanwhile, the candy-bouquet period is the best time to insure yourself as much as possible from unpleasant consequences if you have entered a narrow path over the abyss of Russian-Arab marriage.
Meeting parents
The first thing that relations of future spouses should begin with, no matter how passion was seething, is far from a hotel room. The Arab Emirates was and remains an Islamic country, and two lovers who are not legally married face imprisonment for expressing their feelings, and a foreign girl is also deported without the right to return. The beginning began in marriage with an Arab man - this is an acquaintance with his parents.
“I would single out three types of interethnic marriages,” said Ali Al Salum, a well-known expert in the UAE in the field of culture and national heritage. “The first is through engagement and parental approval, the second is due to pregnancy, and the third is just for fun (here, as a rule, we are talking about second and subsequent wives.) I want to assure you that in the Islamic world a normal marriage cannot take place without the correct proposal and approval of the parents of both the groom and the bride. "
Do Arab parents have prejudices regarding Russians? The answer "everything depends on the family" would be the most correct in this case. However, in most cases they are in traditional families. This is due primarily to a lack of information (our countries are still not so close to each other in terms of culture), as well as to bad experience: unfortunately, the behavior of some compatriots walking around malls in short skirts and shorts, laughing loudly in cafes and flirting with strangers, we all do not add the respect of the local community.
“Three factors are decisive in choosing a bride for a Muslim man: her beauty, prosperity and faith. Moreover, the latter is the main thing,” adds Ali Al Salum. “Even if a Russian woman falls into a family with open eyes, she’s ready not to look closely at her the past, her manner of communication and behavior, her outfit will play a decisive role: showing respect for the family, courtesy and modesty, the ability to take care of her husband - this is what the family expects from the future daughter-in-law: regardless of whether she is an emirate, Russian or Asian. If a woman is endowed with all these qualities, the family will accept it and will not be judged for what it is a foreigner. "
Our compatriot, 27-year-old Vitaly (aimammi @instagram), has been living in a happy marriage for three years with a Lebanese Arab who was born and has lived all his life in the UAE. The couple is raising her daughter Michelle. “One of the most important rules of a happy marriage is the adoption of the family’s choice of son or daughter,” Vitaly says. “In the East, you can say that you marry the whole family. When families live in harmony and there will be no discord between the young. Therefore, our advice is receive the blessing of your parents and you will see how much easier your life together will become. "
The path to the "altar"
Imagine that a young girl still received the approval of her parents. In this case, the path of lovers to family life will lie through the Dubai court, where they will face the mandatory procedure for concluding a marriage contract. It is a document according to which "spouses can legally have sex with each other," but in reality it is a kind of "home building" that regulates the norms of behavior in the family. In a conversation with a judge prior to marriage, the couple, in the presence of witnesses, stipulates whether the spouse will work, whether she should cover her head with a scarf, what responsibilities she has, and so on. “At the conclusion of the contract, the groom is obliged to pay the bride 50 thousand dirhams (US $ 13.6 thousand) in the form of kalym. This amount can be divided: for example, 20 thousand is paid immediately, and another 30 thousand in the event of a divorce. Even such details are specified in the marriage contract. And do not be shy to discuss them in advance, "warns Marina Crady.
Words are worth its weight in gold
The cornerstone in marriage with the emirate can be a change of religion. According to Ali Al Salum, in 90% of cases, a woman accepts the religion of her husband, that is, Islam. "This is connected not only with her desire, but with the understanding that, being a Muslim, in an Islamic country, she and her children, including in the event of a divorce or the death of her husband, will be better protected by law." Meanwhile, the adoption of Islam is not a requirement, but a court’s wish. If the bride decides to change her faith, then before pronouncing the oaths in the court - shahada - a Christian or Jew must visit the Islamic Center of Dubai for a month and learn the basics of religion. Based on the results of the course, she will be issued a certificate, which she will also present in court.
Unfortunately, our compatriots are often frivolous in pronouncing the oath, which, I must say, can seriously change their life. Girls, as a rule, think that Abaya is just a beautiful national costume. However, wearing it implies compliance with a whole set of rules. The young wife will not be able to go to the shared beach, gym or pool. A husband may forbid her to wear high heels and do bright makeup. And most importantly - a woman becomes dependent on the opinions of men in almost everything.
"For a marriage with a traditional emirate, a woman must accept and understand his lifestyle. You need to become a real Muslim, not for show. Otherwise, you can forget about this marriage forever. The lifestyle of Muslim Arabs begins with religion, and if you don’t if you’re familiar with it, you will never be able to understand your Arab spouse, ”says 25-year-old Fatima, a Russian woman who is married to a citizen of the UAE.
Cultural exchange
An important aspect of a successful Russian-Arab union is the knowledge of the spouse's native language and its national culture. As practice shows, marriages in which Arab husbands graduated or worked in Russia are much more successful. However, if the family intends to permanently reside in the UAE, the young wife just needs to learn Arabic - it will be a great help in building relationships with her husband's family and will help in difficult domestic situations: for example, in dealing with police or ambulances, who rarely speak fluent English language.
"An important factor in maintaining an interethnic marriage is tolerance and a willingness to compromise. In disputed situations, people tend to do what their grandmother advised, so if you want to maintain a good relationship, you should accept the partner’s culture as your own. And gradually, common ones will appear in your house traditions and customs - Russian-Arab, "- advises Vitali.
Regrettably, most often the Arabian fairy tale ends sadly, marriages simply do not have time to mature and bear fruit. Unfortunately, for spouses, whose love boat with an interethnic team of sailors breaks their way of life, it is easiest to blame their problems on the difference of cultures and characters. “Our life with the emirate did not work out,” says 32-year-old Alena, a citizen of Ukraine. “This is not related to religion and traditions. We just have different aspirations and ambitions: I already want to have children, but he’s not ready for it. But we are breaking up we are human. We don’t live together for a long time and in the near future we are going to file a divorce in court. "
After listening to many different opinions, you come to a simple conclusion: whoever owns the information is deprived of illusions. The ideal option would be one in which the family celebrates both Easter and Ramadan, and Russian borsch and Arabic hummus appear on the table. However, the most important bond of the interethnic family will, of course, be children. It is well known that babies born of mixed marriages grow more tolerant of other religions and nations, and besides, they speak several languages from childhood. This is the main contribution to our common future, the guarantee that we will better understand each other and ultimately get rid of national stereotypes.
MANDATORY CONDITIONS FOR CONCLUSION OF MARRIAGE CONTRACT:
The ceremony should be accompanied by two witnesses and an escort from the bride (usually the father, but he can be replaced by a brother, uncle or any male relative if there are documents confirming kinship and a certificate of marriage consent is certified at the consulate). In our case, when it comes to marriage with a foreigner, witnesses must have, if not UAE citizenship, then at least resident visas issued in Dubai.
If the bride was divorced or is a widow, she is obliged to submit the relevant documents to the court. If the father’s name is not included in the passport - present a birth certificate. All documents must be translated into Arabic and legalized accordingly.
Before marriage, the couple undergo a medical examination. It includes an x-ray and a blood test for compatibility of the spouses.
